there's paper in my vomit.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
