the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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