i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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