I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
