if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
