Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
