Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
