i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
