Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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