I CAN MOONWALK!
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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