He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
