I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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