woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize