margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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