I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
