Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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