are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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