Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
