I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
