I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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