I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize