Quick, to the slutcave!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
