Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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