Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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