i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
