He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
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