He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
