we have officially lost it.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
