who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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