i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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