Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
