we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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