I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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