dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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