she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
