I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
