when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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