My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
