i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
