Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
