I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
