You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
