Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
