I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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