Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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