There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
