There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
