Nicole vs. Life
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
