I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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