I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
