okay pat passed out under dana's car
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
