franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Who died my cat blue again?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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