Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
