I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Randomize
