Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
