just tell him i said nine months
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
