sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
