I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
