Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
