you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
