It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
