u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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