your room smells of hookers.
And success
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
