sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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