why didn't you poke me back
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Green mimosas i think yes
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
