I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
