someone threw a dead crab at me
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
