I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
