I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
