You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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