the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
