it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
