There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
