He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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