Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
