You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
