I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
