woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
did i just pee glitter
I love you. Go after that dick
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize