I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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