I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
