I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
