i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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