i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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