Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
