allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he thought i was a dude.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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