i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
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