Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
