i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
