she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I need a burrito and a hug.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
