OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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