No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
