I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
